As of late, it seems that everywhere I turn there is another story of a newborn or a fetus in a desperate situation. Babies with heart conditions, birth defects, and genetic conditions glare at me from my computer screen with every click of my mouse. Most of the time I wouldn't concern myself with, well, myself, but being pregnant makes me stop and think. Am I seeing all this now for a reason?? Is God preparing me for something that is about to happen in my own life?? I have experienced God's wisdom and hand enough in my life to know that EVERYTHING happens for a reason. There is a reason I'm seeing all this now, why all this is happening now. The mother in me began to panic. Don't be alarmed, the panic has faded and has been replaced by something far better...trust.
You see, I have realized that God put all of this in front of me, not to prepare me or to make me panic, but to learn to really trust Him. Along with sick babies, there has been a recurrent theme with their stories...mothers who trust Him. And I don't mean mothers who trust that God will fix their broken babies, because they don't. They don't trust that God will fix the babies, but instead they trust that God's plan is at work. They trust that God's will is at work. They trust that even though they don't understand, even though they hurt, that, ultimately, God has a bigger miracle in the works. One mom even went as far to say that she was honored to suffer on God's behalf.
Now, I don't say this to say that I think something bad is going to happen or that we have been chosen to suffer for Him. I don't know. And, frankly, people, I don't care. That's right, I don't care. Please don't take this the wrong way. I certainly care for my unborn child. I care that he is healthy and happy, but that is my earthly selfishness. When I say I don't care, I simply mean that I am ok with God's plan, whatever it is. I am learning to trust God and know that whatever His plan includes, that it will be okay. No matter what happens, it will be okay.
Why, you ask, would I be okay with anything happening. Simple. God knows. God, right now, already, weeks before my precious package is set to arrive, knows everything about his little life. EVERYTHING. God knows the exact moment my little guy will arrive. He knows the exact length, in milliseconds no less, of my precious one's life. Every move, every scratch, every hiccup, God knows it all. God knew all that before my parents knew me! God has known all along our exact paths. He knows my future as well as that of my children. Wow! God knows everything that will happen and He uses it to further His kingdom. You ask how a self-proclaimed control freak can let go and be okay with anything? I know God is in control, that's how.
All these sick babies with faithful moms have taught me that. They were and are able to handle anything that comes their way with peace because they understand that even when they're not in control, ultimately, God is. Who better to control a situation that is out of my control than God?!? Really.
So, rambling completed, I will finish with this last thought: I don't know if God is preparing me to deal with something major or not (and even though the control freak in me would like to know, I'm okay with that), but what I do know is that God has used these experiences and exposure to other faithful moms to make me a more faithful mom. I am learning to let go and trust Him more everyday simply because He knows.